no. 07 : it's a meme! a meme! also word vomit.

[allmiracles]

omg guys. so vanille has reached over 5,000 comments!! YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS, RIGHT? IT'S TIME FOR AN EVERYTHING MEME. i mean everything. i promise i won't even flake, all you people that i flaked on before. relationships, first impressions, headcanon, drabbles (including "5 things" drabbles), questions, hot or not, fst, blah blah blah, you can even make up stuff and i'll do it.

this includes vanille, dante & ryoji.

Comments

1.1

[allmiracles]

mostly this is incoherent. You can deal. not holding back. YOU'RE KIND OF USED TO IT OK HERE WE GO. no one read this.

vanille has a really hard time dealing with things. when i say "things" i mean a lot, because there are a lot of them. even in the novella she can't get over he guilt of what she did to cocoon, and wonders if she even did enough for the people that she got involved. she's good at convincing herself that she's all right, and she's very situationally adaptable. she can find good things everywhere she goes, she can meet people easily and she can get to know them without relaying any sort of information about herself and where she comes from (actually, she likes to give people pieces of information, but never the whole story. she does this a lot in camp with a variety of different people—telling them bits and pieces but never the whole thing). she has these kind of emotional defenses, but they're also necessary for her survival. or they have been. not dealing with things, and then moving on to the next thing, convincing herself that she's all right with it are far different than actually dealing with what's going on.

so a lot of times she just … doesn't. she doesn't face what happened, she can just look away again. hope really forces her to face things. in the game, AT FOURTEEN, he takes her hand and leads her back in oerba after she says she's ready. in camp, he forced her to look at who he was and then again at what happened between her and stefan. then she breaks down after like four months. when she came to him and told him that her guilty feelings weren't going away, that was huge step for her. even admitting to someone that she's constantly trying to make up for something and she has no idea how to do it is really indicative of her problem.

then there's the whole gran pulse/cocoon and their social differences thing. while there's a lot of convenience on cocoon, there's also broader walls between people. they're closer together, they have more luxuries, but socially they have nothing that really binds them together. in gran pulse it's always a fight for survival, but if people don't band together, then there's really no hope for them at all. so they're are a lot of tight-knit mishmash of families. in a lot of ways, that's what hope's always sort of wanted. so when vanille is like "OMG, WHY DON'T YOU HAVE A HUGE FAMILY WITH NINE KIDS YET?" that's one of the reasons why. so in a lot of ways she tries to give him that family, and that family that she knows.

so vanille doesn't feel like she has to be the Happy Vanille that she shows the world all the time, and she needs a break from Happy Vanille or it will completely destroy her. there's really no need to keep that up and convince herself of those things, so but she also does it so hope doesn't feel like he has to, either. so it's a way to confide. it's a really interesting balancing act. when hope got back to camp he spent a long time trying to shake that image of himself into her, though. VANILLE LET ME DO THINGS FOR YOU RRRGHT :T and she doesn't really know how to concede that. since she's the nurturer, having someone trying to look after her in the same way that she looks after people is different. so that part is kind of new and different for her, but i think the whole learning to support vanille thing is kind of foreign to him because it's. vanille. and he hasn't done it since he was fourteen.

but then there's also that balance that she's getting used to because he was fourteen and now he's …eight years older than her. he's really taken on a lot, and for a while she sort or refused to allow herself to be added to that burden. there was a little while when they had a short struggle for dominance? where vanille tried to keep taking care of him the way that she was used to, and he was like NO YOU HAVE TO LET ME TAKE CARE OF YOU TOO and repeated it over and over until she finally let herself relax. HILARIOUSLY their struggle for dominance was over TAKING CARE OF EACH OTHER, and whenever issues come up it is kind of. that. she's learned to surrender a lot to him, though she still occasionally feels guilty about it. aside from fang, he was really one of the people that he felt closest to in the game—and then they've been in camp together for over a year. sazh has come and gone, and lightning has come, gone, and then come back, and now everyone's showing up as they are and she finds herself

a lot of her ulterior motives in camp are "help hope do this thing he is doing" which is always in the back of her mind whenever she's talking to anyone. she has a lot of very sincere relationships, but she's always willing to nudge people in his direction if she thinks it's in his best interest. that goes for anyone who knows about time/space, and anyone who she thinks really might be able to keep him company and put his mind on something else once in a while. she really feels like he has a lot of emotions that he's keeping to himself. like he's still lonely surrounded in people. so then she does things like make sure that he eats and drinks and drags him home when he's really tired because that's what… family does. sometimes she just goes and pokes around the labs with him to keep him company. i don't think she ever really scolds him or stops him from doing what he wants? in a lot of way she's really supportive, she just has to make sure that he uh. takes care of himself in the process, because she feels like it might not necessarily be the foremost thing on his mind, and it has to be the foremost thing on someone's mind.

oh blah blah blah back on sending people to him, there's also an extent in which she really trusts him to utilize what he needs properly. HE REALLY IS trucking along in their world trying to fix things up, so she really feels like she's helping if she's sending people to help him. if hope gets what he needs, then it's possible to fix what happened.

despite if he's fourteen or sixty i think she would still want to snuggle up with him. kjfld it wouldn't matter to her like. at all. he is special family that needs a lot of loving because he's super sensitive and she wants to pet his feelings. she feels guilty because in her sacrifice she really wanted him to be happy and be able to live his life again—but instead everyone left him alone and she didn't really… think of that, despite always being the one who's left alone. she always figured that they'd have each other without her (or fang). i think she's realized that he really can't be happy until everyone's together again, but she's almost afraid of what's going to happen after that. as in, will he be able to step down and calm down after working like a maniac to achieve his goals.