σεrbα diα υαηiιιε (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
allmiracles) wrote2012-04-22 10:27 am
allmiracles) wrote2012-04-22 10:27 am
Entry tags:
no. 07 : it's a meme! a meme! also word vomit.
omg guys. so vanille has reached over 5,000 comments!! YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS, RIGHT? IT'S TIME FOR AN EVERYTHING MEME. i mean everything. i promise i won't even flake, all you people that i flaked on before. relationships, first impressions, headcanon, drabbles (including "5 things" drabbles), questions, hot or not, fst, blah blah blah, you can even make up stuff and i'll do it.
this includes vanille, dante & ryoji.
no subject
1. Relationship meme with Vanille and Hope and Dante and Julian.
2. dumb headcanon with Vanille.
3. Would Vanille with a phone be like tfln!Vanille?
4. Five secrets Vanille has never told, go.
3.
4.
"It was nothing," Vanille said, letting her own words come easily, never forcing them. It made them more believable.
With the compliment it was easier to justify the training. The times she would fall over he feet, force herself back up, and try again. Over, and over again until the breath in her lungs would ache, and every step back to Oerba caused a little her legs to feel like jelly.
"Right? Just like that! Easy."
(2) It was something Vanille had never forgotten. A dream of someone she had never seen before.
Usually her dreams were shared with Fang. There were times that they were side by side, and times they had to search through exotic, vibrantly colored landscapes or gray-washed cities to find each other. Sometimes she was aware she was dreaming, other times it was like those quiet moments back home, and the dream passed as real life was just a memory.
But she was here alone, heart beating furiously in her chest.
She was here with another woman. Around them was an Oerba of ruin, the stranger clad in foreign clothes pulled tight with straps and buckles, a pale colored hair resting in a curl over her shoulder. The sense of foreboding within her clutched her heart and drew every breath from her lungs.
Behind this woman, hovering over the ocean, a storm was coming.
(3) "We'll see Pulse together!" she said, surprised at her own words. Someone had once told her that she let people in far too quickly, so she kept her voice low, as if that would somehow make it less obvious. Or maybe it was to keep her own spirit from dragging.
The boy wasn't paying attention, but the first thing Vanille thought was that he looked like his mother. There were delicate features in his face, the curve of his eyes, downcast at the trembling train floor and a shape that was the same as the woman beside him. He didn't speak, and even his mother's gentle hand drawing across his shoulder didn't seem to faze him.
She smiled at her, and suddenly the words just leave Vanille's lips. "I'm sorry," She said, suddenly.
"I'm so sorry."
no subject
Cocoon was a world where everyone was their enemy, but all she saw was smiling faces. They were kind, yet she reminded herself that they were still the people who had taken everything from Gran Pulse. Still enemies marked to die by the fal'Cie Anima.
Fang circled the room to the other side, ready to clear the path of their escape. The child was warm as Vanille stroked the back of his hand with her thumb. There was mark of the Sanctum fal'Cie. She had never seen it, but she knew what it was. The mixture of emotions that hit her would not allow her to cry. Between her own feelings of guilt and shock, there was a hollow distance.
"Daddy? I had a dream… I found you.
(5) There were times that Vanille could see it clearly, and times when she closed her eyes and left as quickly as it came. A face that she never forgot, that she never mentioned, that she kept close. There were kind hands, someone wrapping her in a blanket, someone who sat with her while she cried. If the words came, they caught in her throat and never came out.
It was easier to keep it.
It was hers.
2.
she writes notes back and forth to serah in a lisa frank notebook.
i can probably think of more later.
1.1
vanille has a really hard time dealing with things. when i say "things" i mean a lot, because there are a lot of them. even in the novella she can't get over he guilt of what she did to cocoon, and wonders if she even did enough for the people that she got involved. she's good at convincing herself that she's all right, and she's very situationally adaptable. she can find good things everywhere she goes, she can meet people easily and she can get to know them without relaying any sort of information about herself and where she comes from (actually, she likes to give people pieces of information, but never the whole story. she does this a lot in camp with a variety of different people—telling them bits and pieces but never the whole thing). she has these kind of emotional defenses, but they're also necessary for her survival. or they have been. not dealing with things, and then moving on to the next thing, convincing herself that she's all right with it are far different than actually dealing with what's going on.
so a lot of times she just … doesn't. she doesn't face what happened, she can just look away again. hope really forces her to face things. in the game, AT FOURTEEN, he takes her hand and leads her back in oerba after she says she's ready. in camp, he forced her to look at who he was and then again at what happened between her and stefan. then she breaks down after like four months. when she came to him and told him that her guilty feelings weren't going away, that was huge step for her. even admitting to someone that she's constantly trying to make up for something and she has no idea how to do it is really indicative of her problem.
then there's the whole gran pulse/cocoon and their social differences thing. while there's a lot of convenience on cocoon, there's also broader walls between people. they're closer together, they have more luxuries, but socially they have nothing that really binds them together. in gran pulse it's always a fight for survival, but if people don't band together, then there's really no hope for them at all. so they're are a lot of tight-knit mishmash of families. in a lot of ways, that's what hope's always sort of wanted. so when vanille is like "OMG, WHY DON'T YOU HAVE A HUGE FAMILY WITH NINE KIDS YET?" that's one of the reasons why. so in a lot of ways she tries to give him that family, and that family that she knows.
so vanille doesn't feel like she has to be the Happy Vanille that she shows the world all the time, and she needs a break from Happy Vanille or it will completely destroy her. there's really no need to keep that up and convince herself of those things, so but she also does it so hope doesn't feel like he has to, either. so it's a way to confide. it's a really interesting balancing act. when hope got back to camp he spent a long time trying to shake that image of himself into her, though. VANILLE LET ME DO THINGS FOR YOU RRRGHT :T and she doesn't really know how to concede that. since she's the nurturer, having someone trying to look after her in the same way that she looks after people is different. so that part is kind of new and different for her, but i think the whole learning to support vanille thing is kind of foreign to him because it's. vanille. and he hasn't done it since he was fourteen.
but then there's also that balance that she's getting used to because he was fourteen and now he's …eight years older than her. he's really taken on a lot, and for a while she sort or refused to allow herself to be added to that burden. there was a little while when they had a short struggle for dominance? where vanille tried to keep taking care of him the way that she was used to, and he was like NO YOU HAVE TO LET ME TAKE CARE OF YOU TOO and repeated it over and over until she finally let herself relax. HILARIOUSLY their struggle for dominance was over TAKING CARE OF EACH OTHER, and whenever issues come up it is kind of. that. she's learned to surrender a lot to him, though she still occasionally feels guilty about it. aside from fang, he was really one of the people that he felt closest to in the game—and then they've been in camp together for over a year. sazh has come and gone, and lightning has come, gone, and then come back, and now everyone's showing up as they are and she finds herself
a lot of her ulterior motives in camp are "help hope do this thing he is doing" which is always in the back of her mind whenever she's talking to anyone. she has a lot of very sincere relationships, but she's always willing to nudge people in his direction if she thinks it's in his best interest. that goes for anyone who knows about time/space, and anyone who she thinks really might be able to keep him company and put his mind on something else once in a while. she really feels like he has a lot of emotions that he's keeping to himself. like he's still lonely surrounded in people. so then she does things like make sure that he eats and drinks and drags him home when he's really tired because that's what… family does. sometimes she just goes and pokes around the labs with him to keep him company. i don't think she ever really scolds him or stops him from doing what he wants? in a lot of way she's really supportive, she just has to make sure that he uh. takes care of himself in the process, because she feels like it might not necessarily be the foremost thing on his mind, and it has to be the foremost thing on someone's mind.
oh blah blah blah back on sending people to him, there's also an extent in which she really trusts him to utilize what he needs properly. HE REALLY IS trucking along in their world trying to fix things up, so she really feels like she's helping if she's sending people to help him. if hope gets what he needs, then it's possible to fix what happened.
despite if he's fourteen or sixty i think she would still want to snuggle up with him. kjfld it wouldn't matter to her like. at all. he is special family that needs a lot of loving because he's super sensitive and she wants to pet his feelings. she feels guilty because in her sacrifice she really wanted him to be happy and be able to live his life again—but instead everyone left him alone and she didn't really… think of that, despite always being the one who's left alone. she always figured that they'd have each other without her (or fang). i think she's realized that he really can't be happy until everyone's together again, but she's almost afraid of what's going to happen after that. as in, will he be able to step down and calm down after working like a maniac to achieve his goals.
1.1 cont.
there's also something about him being fourteen and her leading him through a battle ground and being absolutely amazed that he never blamed her for all the ways she kind of fucked up his life on accident.